Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
