i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
