It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
