i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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