dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
