Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
