Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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