i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
