Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
