we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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