We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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