I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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