ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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