ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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