Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
