dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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