Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
