4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
