Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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