I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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