Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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