I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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