I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
