if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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