Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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