Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
