Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
