Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
