I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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