I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
