so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize