I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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