If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
