they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
