She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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