I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
