I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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