what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
