barbara walters just said penis...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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