I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
