Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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