He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
