trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
