To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
