I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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