i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
