he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
