if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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