My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
