I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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