My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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