Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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