Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
