i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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