I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just google imaged poop.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
