so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
