I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
