we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
