the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
