I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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