I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
