she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
