Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
