But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You can't special order awesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
