With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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