Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
