the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
