going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
