I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
