i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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