If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
