I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
