Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
