party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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