two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
